Little "m" Mentoring: Accelerate Your Team’s Growth

I’m Melissa Shanahan, and this is The Law Firm Owner Podcast Episode #272.

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Hi, everyone. Welcome to this week's episode. Man, I have been listening to all kinds of things lately that have me so inspired with things that I want to share. One of those things I'm going to share with you today.

I listened to the All-In Podcast. I was listening to an episode last week, and at one point in the episode they were talking about working in person, and how they are really valuing and happy to be back working in person more often. So much so, that one of the hosts, his name is Jason Calacanis, he's opening up a workspace, or he's taking over a workspace and opening up an incubator.

And he is so thrilled, because he knows the work that comes out of being in person, working together, collaborating, being in the same room, watching other people. And so the idea of mentorship got brought up. And he is excited to be able to pave the way for people, show people the ropes, and watch them thrive in ways that is, in his words, is just not possible in the same ways when you're virtual.

I tend to agree. There's so much in person that is so valuable. This is why, for our company retreats I fly in Giselle. And then Mika and I and Giselle get into a room for the leadership retreats, and we hash things out. I have zero interest in doing those virtually, it is not the same.

Same when I have a private client retreat. Sometimes we have to do virtual because of a set of circumstances. But most of the time, like 95% of the time, I am in a room with those private clients. And it is always better, it is always richer. They're still useful if they're virtual, but it is not the same.

And so I completely agree with where this conversation was going. And Chamath, who is another host… there are four guys that are on this podcast every week… and Chamath says, “Can I just make a comment about mentorship?” His comment really struck me and made me pause. I really did push pause, and I stopped and thought about it.

I was in the car, and I just kept thinking about it and kept thinking about it. And I thought, “Oh, this is something worth getting my thoughts out of my head for. Not only myself and my company and my clients and the members I work with, but also maybe to share here on this podcast.” So that's what we're doing.

The comment was this: Mentoring can be described as capital “M” Mentoring, and small “m” mentoring. He goes on to say, capital M Mentoring is when someone is assigned to you. They're going to imbue some magical phrase or thing or saying that is going to, all of a sudden, everything is going to work out for you.

He says that capital M Mentoring does not really exist, and doesn't work for those that have tried it in that formal sense of mentorship. He says the thing that's really productive is small m mentoring. And that happens when you model behaviors of really smart people, of really capable people, of really ethical people.

Again, this happens because you see them on a day-to-day basis, and not just in a meeting; in the gaps between meetings. And they'll include you in certain things. Maybe you'll go to lunch and talk about the things that are at play.

Now, for context, they were also talking not just about working in person, but also what people are asking for or demanding in terms of balance, right? So they don't want to come back to work… And this was a great episode. It was the most recent episode, at least as I'm recording this, so I can link it in the show notes.

But in this episode, they talked about… I can't remember the company they were talking about… basically said, “Okay, everybody's got to come back to the office.” And people were saying, “We don't want to come back to the office.” And they said, “Okay, if you don't come back to the office, you are not eligible for a pay increase or for promotions.”

And so, then people were saying, “Fine, I don't want to pay increase or promotion.” And what people are doing is then getting a second job, because they can stack it, they can hack it, and they're making a double income.

They were talking about this phenomenon that is occurring, for people to want balance and not want to be all in, and they don't want to go into the company; they are optimizing for something different. And so what Chamath’s saying, is they're looking for an accelerant in their career, in their pay, by basically not being entirely all in with one company.

And then they handle two jobs within a 40-hour week, and they're sort of skirting the system, so to speak, as an accelerant to their career. In many ways, it's just redefining some of that. And he's saying they have robbed themselves of the most powerful accelerant possible, which is capable people to surround themselves with.

And his take is they are going to look back on these decisions, and they're going to regret them. They're going to regret not being willing to go into the office… Whatever the mandate is; three days a week, or whatever. Because most companies are not doing five days a week.

So they're saying, “No, I don't want to go back in at all.” And they're giving up something that they're going to regret giving up, even though they're optimizing heavily for life. It's like a short game; they're playing a short game. It may not feel like they are, but his point is that they are.

And there were many examples on this podcast of people saying, “Yeah, I wouldn't have got the jump in my career had I not done X, Y, and Z.” It was, basically, really attaching themselves to people in the organization from a learning perspective. Attaching themselves and growing fast because of it. And being able to be bumped up quickly because of it.

Now, I'm sort of getting off topic, but I wanted to give some context on why they were talking about mentorship in the first place. But the idea of big “M” Mentorship and little “m” mentoring, what made me stop and think about this, is sometimes when I am working with a private client, sometimes even a member, and we're working on their accountability chart, mentoring is something that is in the seat at the top.

Sometimes that's known as the “visionary seat”. And sometimes that's known as the “strategist seat”. But it's where the leader of the company is going. That's looking forward and driving the company forward in the ways that are healthiest for the company, for your firm.

And mentoring is one of the responsibilities of the person up there. Now, it's not that it can't be a responsibility for anyone else in the company, but this specifically is. Because most of the time you are stepping more and more and more into this role, and out of, over a period of time of the production work, the legal work.

Instead you have people coming in and doing the production work that gives you space to be able to act as the true leader of the company, and drive that company forward in the ways that it makes the most sense.

Now, part of this role is mentoring. And people tend to be intimidated by the word “mentoring”. Some people like the idea of it, but they can't really put their finger on what that is supposed to mean, what they’re supposed to do. We talk through it.

I think this is why people have this huge, big “M” mentoring idea of mentorship and they don't really know how to do that. It's because it doesn't work. And I don't blame you for not knowing how to do it, it is a bigger deal in your brain and what it needs to be. Little “m” mentoring is where it's at, to the best of our abilities.

And so I want to give some ideas here, and maybe give a split between some examples of what big “M” Mentoring might look like versus little “m” mentoring. And then let you decide from there, what can you infuse? How can you do more little “m” mentoring? Because the more of it you do, the more leaders will rise up in your company. The more people will really understand how you think, how you work, and they'll start to model it.

Because I think that was a great definition by Chamath: little “m” mentoring is surrounding yourself, and having modelled for you, behavior of someone who's really smart, of someone who's really capable, and someone who's ethical. And if you're listening to this podcast, that's you.

So having someone really be around you to observe and to watch so that they start to honor the way that you want things done. You start to teach them how you operate. You start to teach them how you think. You start to teach them how to handle certain situations, and what to bring to certain situations.

Now, some of this you can learn in law school; a lot of it you cannot. And it varies from firm to firm. So if you want them to really take on what matters to you, then little “m” mentoring is a good way to think about this.

Okay, so splitting these out for a little bit. Big “M” Mentoring are things like career defining advice. Where you might sit down with a young lawyer that works for you and share a powerful piece of advice that shapes their trajectory. And it's probably quippy, and some principle that you believe in. And so you sit down, you share that with them, and it's going to shape something for them.

Or maybe they've watched you give a keynote speech and there's just something with that they saw that feels like, “Oh, okay.” So all the big “M” Mentoring is big stuff, major professional insights, pivotal career movements or moments, deep reflection sessions, that stuff. And not that you can't have some of that, that's not what I'm saying. But that's not where the focus should be. Those things will happen on their own. They'll get to see you speak, and they'll take away what they're going to take away.

But the things that matter most are the little “m” mentoring. And that, as I thought through this, really sat down and thought through this, it seems to come down to two main categories of little “m” mentoring: observation and interaction. Both are important.

Observation would be like they get to watch you in meetings, for example. Or they get to watch you having a consult. Or they get to watch you in court. So that's shadow level stuff.

But then there's also the in-between moments that they get to watch. If you include them on email communications, they get to see how you respond. They get to see the questions that you ask. They get to see the tone of your emails. And I think all of this is very, very helpful to someone who's really trying to get their hands around not only the way that you would like things done, but how to shape themselves as an attorney.

And so observation, which is shadowing, and then also watching the in between moments. You give them the ability to do that by seeing them on things, by including them on things. They get to watch you in action. So that's the observation side.

And the other side is interaction. So interactions that you have with them. This is daily feedback. This could be regular check ins that you have with them. This could be problem solving discussions with them. This can be implementing a development plan inside of your firm for this individual. And so that's interaction that you have with them. And I'm sure that involves some observation as well.

But these kinds of things are what will be the best kind of mentoring. It offers the most valuable experience for not only for them, but for being a person in your firm. And for helping your firm be more on the same page, more cohesive, and working in a way that has your stamp of approval. They are watching you, they are learning from you, and they are getting guidance from you through observation, but then also through feedback.

And both of those things are really powerful. And so what I want today's episode to do is to inspire you to just sit down and think who in your firm… Because it doesn't have to be an attorney, by the way. This could be any role… who in your firm could use some little “m” mentoring?

I want you to think about how you're going to do that. And I want you to think about it in terms of a cadence. On going, what are you going to commit to do CC’ing them on emails that maybe normally you leave them off of? So that they are privy to learning about you and your cadence and your tone and your approach.

Or maybe it's deciding what events you're going to have them come and shadow you. Maybe it is having them come with you to a conference. They get to be with you, they get to see how you interact with others, and the things that you are really working to learn and to implement. They just get to be around you and see you in conversation.

I think there's value in that. You can sit down and think for yourself within your firm, and think about the positions. You don't have to start. You don't have to do everybody right now. Pick someone that you know. It would bring a lot of value to them, and it would also bring a lot of the value to the firm.

This is not a light switch where it just happens overnight, but the firm will feel it and so will the person, over time. With little “m” mentorship, you really do shape the culture inside.

And so again, I just want to make sure that everybody understands you do not need a formal way of doing this, it can be messy. But sit down and just commit to a few things that you're going to implement with someone to put them on a track where they are able to surround themselves with you in ways that maybe otherwise they are not, because it was never paired together. No one ever identified it as an opportunity.

And now you are identifying it as an opportunity, and you are going to include them on things. And you are going to work with them on things. But this little “m” mentoring… The big “M” Mentoring, again, it'll take care of itself. They'll be able to see you speak. They'll be able to see you do something or say something and it will hit them in an important way. But not because you tried to. You just do you.

And I'm telling you, through you doing you, and being committed to the little “m” mentoring, the big stuff will come through. The big realizations, the big Aha’s, the big insights, those will come through. Because they'll be ready and willing to hear something when you say it, at the moment you say it. And the more you try to plan for that, the less successful it is. So the little “m” mentoring is where it's at.

Alright, everybody, I hope this gave you some good food for thought. I hope you take something back to your firm, and help shape the people in the firm and the culture in the firm, and be a mentor. You're totally capable of it. Go do it.

Alright guys, have a wonderful week. Bye-bye.

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