The Power of Rules: How to Set Yourself Up for Success in Life and Business

I’m Melissa Shanahan, and this is The Law Firm Owner Podcast Episode #298. 

Welcome to The Law Firm Owner Podcast, powered by Velocity Work, for owners who want to grow a firm that gives them the life they want. Get crystal clear on where you're going, take planning seriously, and honor your plan like a pro. This is the work that creates Velocity.

Hey everyone, welcome to this week's episode. I'm thrilled to be here with you today. I have some information that I'm going to share with you today that's just stated differently than I've stated it before. And it's because, it's because of Shane Parish. Love Shane Parish. He wrote the book, Clear Thinking. It is so in line with how I prefer to think. So if you like the content that I'm sharing with you that I have learned and studied from his writings, then, oh, well, we're in good company, right?

Well, it's also very in line with James Clear, who's another author that I know many of you really liked his book, Atomic Habits, and I'm a big fan as well. So it goes right along with everything that we are focused on here at Velocity Work. You know, we talk a lot about knowing what you're aiming for and having a well-thought-out plan to get to where you're aiming for and then executing on that plan, fully following through on your plans. And then at the turn of the quarter, you raise your head, review the quarter you were just in, and you look forward, you do it again.

Now, all of this, which we facilitate, needs to be done with data. Data is a very important piece of this puzzle. But one thing I've really learned and noticed and it's been smacking me in the face lately through experiences with certain potential clients, et cetera, is that data isn't enough. Your behavior has to change because of what you see in the data. That's the whole point in having the data.

And so we're going to bring it back as we do every so often to behavior. I'm probably going to talk about behavior and habits and creating sort of a new normal for ourselves a lot in the coming weeks because number one, I'm revamping, or I'm not revamping it, I am doing the third edition of Monday Map. So there's some tweaks I'm making that I think will just make it more accessible and easier and more helpful, hopefully, to everyone who gets their hands on that tool. You can go to our site to get your hands on it. I will definitely announce when the third edition is out. The second edition, I think, is great, the current version that you can get your hands on.

But I've learned a lot in the last couple of years, and I want to make some updates. Now, a lot of what goes on with Monday Map/Friday Wrap, which is basically how to get more done in less time. And it's not through moving faster. It's through planning your week and you're planning how you're going to spend your time and teeing yourself up. So when it's time to execute, it's time to do that thing. You have everything you need, you can just sink into the task. You don't have to open a bunch of windows and hunt down for things. No, you just sit down, you look at your calendar event, in it is what you need in order to accomplish a task and you get to it.

And so, you know, there's a lot to do with behavior. And what I know for sure is there's a big difference between understanding something and actually doing it. We are all probably very aware at this point that sugar is not a good thing for your body. I'm not talking about fruit. Talking about processed sugar. Processed sugar is not a good thing for our bodies. Yet, knowing that, many of us eat sugar on a regular basis, processed sugar on a regular basis.

So the knowledge of something isn't enough to change behavior or to form a new habit. If knowledge was enough we would all not be needing anything. We would all be fit, we would all have really high energy, we would all sleep the amount we're supposed to sleep, we would have habits that produce the results that we want. We would not have habits that put us on hard mode.

If you listen to the podcast a couple of weeks ago, where I talked about easy mode versus hard mode, which also I love the way that that's worded and phrased. That's from Shane Parrish. So knowing something isn't enough, you have to act on it. And the more you repeat actions, the more they become second nature, the more they become a habit.

Now people usually use willpower as a strategy to create these repeated actions that become second nature to create these new habits. But as I talk about in the foundational concepts of Monday Map/Friday Wrap, which that's a part of the guide, you get a couple of documents and one of them is Foundational Concepts. I talk about that in here.

And the reason I made the document called Foundational Concepts is because, which is very tied to what we're talking about today, if you don't understand it, it makes it tougher to adopt. But you can't only just understand it. So understanding and giving you the Foundational Concepts helps you understand why the steps are the way that they are.

Now, what I'm hoping is that what you can use from this episode is how to get yourself on board, your brain on board to follow the steps even when you don't feel like doing it. So people rely on willpower. I would bet you money that 70 to 80% of people who download the Monday Map Guide use willpower to try to execute it. And there's a lot of tension around it. There's a lot of like, we're going to make this work. And they use willpower and then they flame up and flame out. And then they forget it. They mean to get to it again. And then life gets busy and they pick it back up, you know, a month and a half later or four months later, and they try again. And the approach is flawed, though I very much understand why it happens. The approach is flawed.

So going back to willpower. Willpower, it's just not a reliable strategy. And you should be on to yourself when you can sense that you are using willpower and just pause because it's not going to work. It's going to fail you. It drains as the day progresses. The more decisions you make in a day, the harder it is to resist temptation, to give in to the urge to do what feels good in the moment and not what really would make things easier tomorrow. Right?

So the key to long-term behavior change is not using willpower, but automation and thinking about it like automation. How can you automate or how can you make things automatic as much as possible? Turning desired actions into defaults automatically.

We talked a few weeks ago about the power of a lead domino. I've referred to this inside of Velocity Work as the force multiplier, and I refer to it in the Monday Map Guide as the force multiplier. It is a thing that you choose to do because the impact of it will be so great as it contributes to freedom for yourself. What is a force multiplier? And you choose one every week in Monday Map.

But what I shared a couple of weeks ago was the idea of a lead domino and maybe using that as a visual in your mind, like what is the lead domino? What is the thing that will set off a chain reaction of more of what you want? So you can use that concept of lead domino here too. You know, certain behaviors set off a chain reaction of good habits.

For instance, something I've noticed for myself, if I start every morning drinking a ton of water, this first thing in the morning before I do anything else, it leads for me to better hydration, better energy throughout the day, better food choices. There's something about just like pumping my body full of water. I also live in a very dry climate and I feel like I can never really get enough water, but that's an example. It's like a certain behavior that you do. It's a lead domino for me. It's been a lead domino. If I can drink a ton of water every day, I drink these two huge jars full of water. If I drink that every morning, I know that by default, my decisions are gonna be, I'm teed up to be on, I'm on easy mode for the rest of the day with certain decisions.

Okay, so before we get into the main point that I want you to consider for yourself, I'm gonna share a story with you that I heard Shane Parrish tell that really will set up what we're going to talk about nicely. So he had two friends and they went out a lot together, mostly over food, right? So they would dine out together a lot, trying new restaurants around town. They were both overweight. One was diagnosed with celiac disease and essentially that forced a bunch of decisions. Had to cut out gluten so every time they went to a restaurant, by default he was choosing healthier options because he was avoiding the things that would really upset his celiac disease.

Now, the dining partner of the person who was diagnosed with celiac was noticing very clearly how much weight his dining partner was losing and how much healthier he was getting and decided, well, I'm going to make those decisions too. And so he sort of voluntarily followed the same diet, but he struggled. So the friend with celiac didn't have to decide what to eat. It was pre-decided. It made it automatic. It made the decisions automatic.

It sort of removed the decision. His friend had to use willpower every single time. When you really understand willpower, it makes failure inevitable. Like outside looking in, you're looking at a scenario where someone's using willpower. It is only a matter of time before using that as a tool all on its own is not sustainable.

So this really helps showcase that success is easier when behaviors are automatic. When behaviors are not optional, that means they are automatic. There's no thinking involved. You just do this thing.

And I mean, you can imagine for the person who has celiac and maybe some of you listeners do have celiac, you don't touch it. You don't touch the things that you know are going to create the suffering that you have dealt with before. It's off the table as an option. And no doctor is telling you you have to do that. I mean, sure, I'm sure that's a recommendation. But no matter what the doctor tells you, when you understand what's going on and you have that diagnosis, you don't even entertain it anymore. It's done. The decision has been made, which means the behaviors that follow are automatic.

Okay, so this is where we're going to get into the conversation about the power of having rules. Rules versus aspirations. So if there's something that you want to do for yourself, if you're using willpower, you know you're gonna give in.

So for instance, I used the example of sugar earlier. If you wanna cut back on sugar, then it's time and you are out with your friends and it's someone's birthday and you say, actually I wanna cut back on sugar, I'm not gonna get dessert. Like people pressure you, your environment tends to pressure you to indulge. But if you say, “I don't eat sugar,” no one argues. The world doesn't, I'm not even talking about people, but people for sure, the world doesn't argue back. Generally, the world responds pretty well to rules.

So if you have a rule, “I don't eat sugar,” it's usually just done. This I learned from Daniel Kahneman. Yeah, he's big on people don't argue with rules. So, okay, let's talk about rules. How do you establish effective rules? And what's the difference between setting a rule in the place versus setting a habit in the place? And this is where, you know, when I said rules versus aspirations, what I mean is rules versus aspirational habits or behavior modifications, aspirational behavior modifications. So if you want to establish rules, there's a few things to make it effective.

One is to make it clear and simple. Very simple. Like not a lot of words. I don't check my phone before 8 AM. So you make it simple and clear.

The second thing to make it effective when you're setting a rule is to align it with your identity. What does it say about you as a person? Who are you? You are a person who doesn't eat dessert. Or if you ever listened to Alex Hormozy, I think they say never skip dessert. I'm a person who never skips dessert. But do you see what I'm saying? Like you make a statement about your identity. How can you do that with the things that really matter to you? With rules that when put into place would actually line you up better with how you want to be.

The third element of establishing an effective rule for yourself is to remove the choice so that you reduce decision fatigue. If you put yourself in a position to make a decision, you will be on some level calling on willpower if it's not a default behavior yet. So understanding that you need to reduce the decisions as much as possible.

And this step, this has a lot to do with when we talk about there's a difference between making a plan and then honoring the plan. Those are two totally different things. You should never, ever, ever mix them. It doesn't work. When you make a plan, you basically tee yourself up so that when it's time to execute, you don't have to think at all.

That's part of the problem with execution is that people think. They stop and they think. And then their brain gets in the way. And then there's an urge to go do something else, like have a snack, go to the bathroom, call your mom, call that client back that you could have called back at a different time. Right?

So this is when your brain is faced with decisions is when the problems tend to arise as it pertains to you doing the things that you said you would do.

So if you remove the choice to reduce decision fatigue, then that may mean that you pre-order meals that are healthy and aligned with the way that you want to eat, the way that you know is best for you, or you preset your workout routines so that you don't have to think about what you should do when it's time to work out, you already know it's already teed up. All you have to do is look at this thing and do what it tells you to do. That does make it easier. This is a way to put yourself on easy mode.

So the difference between planning and execution is so important and people don't take it seriously enough. They don't plan well enough. So when they sit down to execute, because they didn't plan well enough, then they have to figure out where to start. What am I supposed to do? They have to get their bearings. And then of course, of course, they will likely find themselves derailed.

Okay, and the fourth thing to establish effective rules is to communicate your rules to others. This increases accountability and it reduces unnecessary pressure or stress from those around you. This is really about setting expectations with what you've pre-decided. If those in your sphere understand what you've pre-decided, it makes it so much easier for them to roll with it and to support you. Supports are not the perfect word. Basically, it sets them up so that they don't unknowingly derail you. They didn't know what you were supposed to do but when you set expectations with them about what you're supposed to do, then, they get it and they can roll with it. And they can do their best to honor your space and honor your commitment to the thing that you were doing.

So some examples of automatic rules would be, “I never say yes to requests on the phone, I always follow up later.” I have heard that from people and I think that's a good rule. It prevents impulsive decisions. So if you are the kind of person that will make impulsive decisions, then maybe this is a great one for you. Another one, “I don't eat after 8 p.m.” This will simplify your food choices, it will improve your sleep, it's a rule that you set, that's a lead domino that has, there's a ripple effect to this.

Another one, and this is to do with relationships and habits that will strengthen a relationship: “I check in with my partner every night before I go to bed.” I hope you can see the simplicity of this. It is always simple. If you have complex rules, you're doing it wrong. We need to start over here. So simplicity is key.

Now I've given a lot of personal examples because I do think, especially when it comes to habits, it's easier to look through a lens of our own world and our personal lives when it comes to habits. But let's talk just for a second about your firm.

There are certain things that you wish were just your regular behavior, like repeat actions that you do within and for your firm. And you wish that they were second nature, but they're not. And you may have used willpower for these things, but it's not leading to success. You find yourself in a similar position. There's a loop, like a failure loop that you come back to.

For instance, law firm owners all know that they should track data. They know that they should know their numbers. These are sentences that they have in their mind. Like they are well aware. There is knowledge there. But they don't have any sort of regular behavior that would lead them to have information and knowledge about the data in their business.

And then there's people who do, they do know their numbers. They know all the things about the data in their firm. They can answer questions on the spot about certain metrics within their firm and what's going on, their profit margin and their people cost, and on and on.

Here's the thing, the person I'm talking about who checks their data and knows their data, they're not smarter than the law firm owner I was mentioning who doesn't. They've just teed themselves up so that it's not a big deal. And they identify as someone who regularly reviews their firm metrics, their firm data.

So when I say tees themselves up, if you're trying to create a new normal, sitting down to plan how you're going to create a new normal is a very important step. When you are thinking through this, who is going to run the reports? What numbers do you want to see?

Do you want them dropped in a spreadsheet where it says, you know, the month, for example, and then it has a list of stats and they're dropped in for you. And then there's a calendar event on your calendar with a link to that spreadsheet. So when you get to the calendar event, let's say every Friday, every Friday you review your firm's data and you are teed up to do so. So all you have to do is open a spreadsheet and yes, there's some planning involved on the front end. Yes, you need to make sure people are trained. You can see where these little steps on getting people to be able to do the things so that it tees you up really well is the important piece for you to be successful.

It's like putting yourself on easy mode, not hard mode. It's automating the behavior. If you have to do a bunch of work every time you have to go do that behavior, of course you're going to stop doing it. Because your brain is like, oh my gosh, I got to open this tab and this tab and this tab. And then your brain gets distracted because you're opening up tabs and because like, no, it's 10 a.m. on a Friday on your calendar says review data. You should be able to click a button and review your data. But people don't have themselves set up in this way. So it can't be automatic.

Automatic means click go. There's no automatic here with the first firm owner I'm talking about. It's totally made up, but very, very common. Yeah, like, of course they're gonna fail at this. The person who's got it figured out, I'm telling you right now, they do not sit down every week and hunt for the numbers they wanna see. They pull up what they want to see because it's right in front of them. They review and then they close it. But they are in tune and they make decisions because of what they know about their firm, etc, etc.

So there is so much here with automating and making your life easier with a certain decision. Don't put yourself in a spot to have to decide in the moment. You pre-decide. You pre-decide. And when you pre-decide, it means that in the moment it allows you to be and to follow through automatically. There's nothing in your way.

There's no barriers. Yes, you may have internal triggers that come up. Yes, you may not feel like doing what the thing is that you're supposed to do, but that's a whole lot easier to overcome when you also don't have a bunch of other barriers like hunting down information and all of that jazz. You can actually just be with your mental barrier and deal with that for what it is, which we have whole episodes on. Instead of dealing with that, plus you have to find these things. Plus it's like there's barrier after barrier after barrier after barrier.

There is nothing automatic about you reviewing your data at 10 a.m. on Friday at all. There's nothing automatic about it. So how can you set yourself up so that whatever you're telling yourself you need to do, you make it as automatic as possible to slide into that behavior. To make it so that it's just done. There's no deciding where you're going to find these things. It's already been decided. Now you're just showing up for it.

So having rules for yourself, and if one of your rules is, “I review my finances every Friday at 10,” that's a rule for yourself. Or you wanna do it first thing in the morning, whatever works for you. But what's the rule? What's the rule you can put into place so that it makes the outcomes that you really want to see and how you want to be as a law firm owner? What do you need to put in place so that it really helps you bridge that gap? How can you pre-decide and then set it up to be automatic?

How can you pre-decide what your rules are for yourself, make sure you're set up for those things, and then begin? I said simple, I actually think you could get more specific from a data perspective. I review my firm's data every Friday at 10, for example, that's a little broad. If you're not good at reviewing data, that's a lot.

What you could say is, I review my firm's three most important metrics every Friday at 10, which could be top-line revenue, profit margin, and you get to decide the third. Number of cases open, people cost percentage, number of cases closed. Like what is that other thing that is telling to you about how the health of your firm is doing.

You want to keep it as simple as possible. And the more specific you get while keeping it short will help you keep it as simple as possible for where you are, like meeting yourself where you are right now. Or someone else, they already have a spreadsheet teed up. They already have a bunch of metrics they look at every Friday. So for them to say, I review my firm's data every Friday at 10. OK, that's just what they do. But if you're just starting out, what is the minimum viable amount that will be potent enough to contribute to progress for yourself? What is that? How can you get it as small as possible? You can always build on it later.

It's more about creating the automatic habit, just showing up, Just showing up for that appointment time to review two metrics, for example. I'm going to look at two metrics every single Friday. I mean, okay, actually, I'm just having this realization. I'm thinking about you all as listeners, and there are some of you out there that when I have a consult, I'm not judging it, I'm just calling it out. I have a consult with you and I will ask you what your revenue was for the year that we just got done with, like for 2024. And you will not know the answer to that. Like, “it's about 600, a little less, I don't know, like somewhere close to 600.” You'll say something that is very clear that you are not in tune with the most basic information in your firm.

So for you, if all you looked at every single week was revenue and profit, top line revenue, the money that came in the door and the money that was left behind every single week for that week or revenue and expenses. Maybe that's a little easier. What came in and what went out. If you look at those two numbers every single week, you would have been able to answer my question. So I think people want to dismiss the idea that two numbers isn't enough to know my firm. Well, it's better than zero. For many of you, you're running on zero. Like you can't tell me an exact number. You can give me a ballpark, but that's not not helpful when I'm talking to you, but why don't you know the number? What is the reason?

And can we just get rid of that, that barrier that you're having? So if you pre-decide and you make it a rule, “Every Friday I look at my income and I look at my expenses, every single Friday.” If you did that every single Friday, you would know more about your business than a lot of law firm owners.

So I know I'm talking to some of the earlier crew here that really hasn't dug into their data, but this is what I mean. You wonder how people get so good at looking at data. They start small. They don't just have this magnificent spreadsheet from the get-go. They start small. So minimum viable amount of inputs for you is all it takes to improve. It's all it takes to progress towards where you want to be.

Thinking of other rules that you could set just to give you ideas. You want to think about each category of your business and focus on the categories that you really wish there was an improvement. How can you set a rule in that area that's very simple and very doable, but would be a lead domino for you in terms of a chain reaction of a bunch of improvements or a bunch of progress within that realm.

When I sat down and think about rules for potentially for you as listeners, I'm gonna give you some examples because I think these will at least just get your gears turning and you can run with it from there. But think about the rules that you need that will have the greatest impact for you at this time. Every chapter is different. Every season is different, but for right now, what rules would have the greatest impact?

Okay, so here's some ideas: “I don't take unscheduled calls.” This would protect your focus. It would prevent reactivity in your schedule. Of course, if it's an emergency, that's an exception. I'm not talking about emergencies. But yeah, all client and team inquiries are scheduled or there's a predictability about when those will happen. You don't just take unscheduled calls.

“I only check email twice a day at 10 and 3”. That's your rule. This would prevent distractions by having your email just open all day long. Now again, some of you were like, I can't do that just twice a day. Okay, well, what can you do so that you can shut down in between?

“I end every week by mapping out my next week.”

That's a rule. That's Monday Map/Friday Wrap. Make sure that you're proactively planning instead of just scrambling and flying by the seat of your pants.

“I end each workday by reviewing tomorrow's priorities.” That's what I do. It's a rule.

“I work on my business every Friday from 1 to 4. No exceptions.” It's a rule.

“I don't schedule meetings before 10 a.m.” It's a rule.

“I don't check my email after 6 p.m.” Or insert your time there.

“I never discount fees.” That's a rule.

“All client communications go through my assistant before they reach me, period.” That's a rule.

“I don't solve problems my team can solve themselves.” That's a rule. 

Right, so if you look at these as rules, these aren't just good ideas. If you actually instituted, and I do not think that you should institute all of these or a bunch at once, but have a rule for yourself that you start abiding by, period. You are focused on abiding by this rule and you are setting expectations with others so they can help ensure that you are abiding by this rule. They can support you in that. They can stay out of the way for that.

“I hold a weekly 30 minute one-on-one meeting with each key team member.” That's a rule. It doesn't not happen.

“And never hire someone without a 90-day trial period.” That's a rule. It never happens.

Right, you can see where these rules, there's a lot of positive effects from them. And sometimes we think some of these things are good ideas, but then we just fall, they fall away. So setting rules, I hope you guys can start to see from this episode, setting rules instead of embarking on this new habit is a very different way of looking at it. Setting a rule shuts down options, whereas a new habit forces you to make a choice every time, every time, every time you're trying to make a new habit and you're making, you're having to make choices in order to be successful with that.

A couple other rules related to team: “I do not make hiring decisions alone.” “I do not tolerate consistent underperformance.” Which means you have to set clear expectations, feedback, there's action, all of that, right? But I don't tolerate consistent underperformance.

These are just rules of the game that you're putting into place. “I delegate every task that costs less than my hourly rate.” That's a rule. “I take one full day off every weekend, a full 24 hours, No work, no exceptions.” As a rule, doesn't mean you can't work on the weekends. You're just saying, I take one full day off, 24 consecutive hours.

Hopefully you got some ideas there. But just think about the areas that you're dealing with, the categories in your world that you're dealing with? And what is the biggest thorn? And what rule can you set that just removes options? You're just done. You're not entertaining something different. You're gonna do this very simple rule. Start with one, Pick one.

About 6 months ago, I did a brainstorm for myself with this exercise and made a list of rules for myself. In an ideal world, it is rules that I abide by. And it felt really empowering to make that list. But what I knew is that what is the wrong way to approach it is just to institute all these rules at once. Stacking success with these is really important. You choose one, you institute the rule, the rule becomes the new norm, And then before you know it, it's actually turned into default. It's actually a habit. And then you can stack the next, you can put the next rule into place. And before you know it, it becomes a habit.

But the value here is not looking at it as a new habit you want to start. It is understanding how to use rules as a way to make it easier to create default behaviors. And it's because you are reducing the work of making decisions on the regular around things that are in your best interest. When you cut out the decision and you just show up to do the thing because you've pre-decided that that's what's happening, It's much easier to create automatic behaviors.

Rules create freedom because they remove decision fatigue. And that is what will allow you to focus on what truly matters. So often people find themselves “failing,” I'm using air quotes around failing, but dropping the ball, not following through over and over and over again with many, many, many, many things. And they beat themselves up for it.

But what they don't understand or what they can't see is that they've set themselves up to fail. Their approach is flawed. And instead, if you can think about the things that you actually want to institute and you figure out what rule, what would be the lead domino here, right? Like, what would help you be on easy mode with a certain result that you want to create? What rule can you institute that will make your behaviors more automatic?

No one who is in that position where they're really feeling down on themselves because they're just not following through or because they just can't seem to get out of their cycle, their pattern. No one in that spot fixes their problems by all of a sudden mustering up motivation and deciding that this is going to be how it is and you are across all the things you've been failing at. You push really hard and you use willpower. No one gets themselves out of their current paradigm that way.

The way to get yourself out of a paradigm and shift into a new paradigm, whatever that means for you, whatever level you're at, so to speak. It doesn't matter if you're pretty good at this stuff already. What's your next level? What's your next paradigm? What rule can you put into place for yourself that's going to take you to a new height?

So one thing that you can do that works for a lot of people is to set non-negotiable, identity-based rules that align with what you want in the long term. So I'm gonna make the point again for the people in the back. The difference between people who struggle and those who thrive it's not motivation it is the systems they put into place. Make success automatic. Your future self will thank you.

You've probably heard James Clear talk about, “We don't rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.” Rules, having rules for yourself is a system on its own, but it sort of forces systems as well. All right, everybody have a wonderful week. I'll see you here next Tuesday.

Hey, you may not know this, but there's a free guide for a process I teach called Monday Map/Friday Wrap. If you go to VelocityWork.com, it's all yours. It's about how to plan your time and honor your plans. So, that week over week, more work that moves the needle is getting done in less time. Go to VelocityWork.com to get your free copy.

Thank you for listening to The Law Firm Owner Podcast. If you're ready to get clearer on your vision, data, and mindset, then head over to VelocityWork.com where you can plug in to quarterly Strategic Planning, with accountability and coaching in between. This is the work that creates Velocity.