Stop Defending Your Limitations: How to Overcome the Excuse Mentality

I’m Melissa Shanahan, and this is The Law Firm Owner Podcast Episode #278.

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Hi guys, welcome to this week's episode. Today, we're talking about excuses and people who make excuses.

Now we've all made excuses at one point or another. We are human, but I am talking about when you are cutting yourself off at the knees because of excuses. And sometimes this is really hard to see, especially for you attorneys, because it's so easy for any intelligent human to justify their way for anything or out of anything.

So I want to talk about this today because I see it, and I talk to people about it, and I have ways to approach the topic without isolating someone where they feel like they're being talked at. I think I have a pretty good way of connecting with people to help them see that this is an excuse and what we are going to do instead.

This is worth a conversation. Because each of us can always look in the mirror and see where we might be making excuses in the moment, having some self-reflection and moving forward in a different way.

I'm going to start with a story that my husband told me. He played soccer at a pretty high level and there was a guy on his college team that was a beast of an athlete. That's the way he described it. He was so good at what he did in terms of being an athlete, a soccer player, but he always had excuses.

Like when someone says that guy's name, the first thing that Derek thinks about, my husband thinks about, is excuses. And that is wild. He said at some point, when we were talking about this… We were talking about this topic, and I told him I was digging in and I was going to do an episode on this. This teammate came up and he had a lot to say. But something that he said really stuck with me, which was in that context, in soccer, there was no one better but he could never even get close to fulfilling his potential because he was constantly making excuses and looking for shortcuts.

And what a shame, because they played soccer with people who went on to play in the EPL, and this guy never made it. But he was better than all of them. But it's because he was the guy that would make excuses. But man, what talent, what natural ability that went to waste, quite frankly.

Excuses defend underperformance. And I want you to think about yourself for a minute. When are you defending underperformance? Now, this could be for yourself or for someone else, because you can probably think of when you might be defending under performance in a team member. But either way, when are you defending underperformance?

And you have to understand that your defense of that underperformance is excuses. Now, it's easy to have a conversation about sports and athletes and see how obvious it is that the potential isn't filled because of excuses and just how sad that is. But let's talk about this with professional life in general.

We were talking about great athletes on the field, but there are some lawyers that are great at what they do, great attorneys in the courtroom who kill it. It's where they shine.

But in the context of being a law firm owner, if you're a law firm owner and you walk out of that courtroom or you walk away from the out of the very thing that you are so good at, that you take such pride in, you walk out of there and you have excuses about your business, about the way things are run, about your team, about the numbers, about any of that, then you're undermining your whole game.

Your excuses deteriorate the fabric of your firm. Typically we're talking about people who are trying to do something or trying to work for something or trying to make a change or get to the next level for themselves. And excuses waste time. It's a total waste of time, energy and resources.

You will hear people use a bad day, a bad week, a bad work session, a bad meeting, a tired day where you couldn't sleep, a bad team member, a bad client. These are the things they will lean on to say why they didn't get done the things that they said they would get done. It's excuses.

And that mentality leads you to becoming immaterial in the business world. Yet those same people tend to have a victim mentality about why their business is the way it is. They couldn't get ahead because of X. They couldn't get ahead because of Y. They couldn't get this thing done because of Z. And it creates a downslope and a miss of opportunity and potential.

A miss of opportunity of potential with team, with clients and with the work being done, with the health of the business all around. And for you as the owner, it's just a miss of an opportunity. And people don't tie it back. It's usually because of a lack of self-awareness.

Listen, I'm going to tell you a story when it doesn't matter who you are in this world. Sometimes you need somebody to hold up a mirror and say, “Look, it's you, sister.” So this is not me talking down to anyone who's listening to this podcast. This is me holding up a mirror and saying you have an opportunity to make sure that you are not holding yourself back in these ways, because excuses are detrimental to success.

And there's nobody listening to this podcast that doesn't care about success, whatever that means to you. Think about great leaders. Think about awesome business owners that you look up to or that you've seen. You've seen their success. You do not hear an excuse come out of their mouth.

It doesn't mean in moments that they don't have excuses. It doesn't mean they're perfect, they're not. But it's rare that they do have excuses. And you'll never hear them, because most of the time that is not how they're running. And that is why they are as successful as they are within leadership, within owning a business, with their health, with their priorities.

They get it done. There are ways to go about getting it done. There's a bit of a softening to this episode that you'll hear at the end, but it doesn't really matter. It's your personality. However you choose to move forward, whether it's David Goggins style, “no excuses, stay hard,” all the things he says and his whole demeanor… which I love, by the way. But I can't hold that, I'm not Goggins. But there is that mentality.

And then there's a mentality of someone who takes a bit of a more aligned approach, a planned approach, a type A approach that says, “Okay, if I'm going to be successful here, I need to do this, this, this, this and this. And then that means I'll be able to be successful with X.”

I need to wake up earlier. I need to go to bed earlier. They really work backwards to figure out the plan, and then they honor the plan. It feels softer, but it's just as freaking effective.

So there are ways to approach kicking excuses to the curb. You get to have a choice on how you make that happen, but the important thing is that it happens, you kick them to the curb.

I was going to tell a story about I was telling my husband about this... I don't think I told him about it at the time. I don't have a memory of doing that... But all through high school no one ever would look at me as someone who made excuses. I worked so hard. I was first person in my high school to ever make varsity cheerleading. I worked my butt off. I was the best tumbler that we had. I ran cross country and ran my ass off. I always tried so hard at everything I did.

Now, mind you, that was when I was in high school and I didn't have a lot of other responsibilities, other than those things and keeping up my grades and all that. But looking back… It's so funny, as an adult I can see what happened; as I became an adult and had adult responsibilities. Nevertheless, I was never that person. I was always the person that worked the hardest. I was right there with the best of the best. And I felt really proud of that.

I carried these traits through for years. And I think there are probably some areas that I could look at where I was giving excuses. I never had anybody to call me on it. Because in high school I had coaches. They never called me on it because there was no room for them to call me on it.

But then I got into the real world, and there was no one to ever call me on my excuses for things. I worked for the consulting firm and I had a boss who I adored. Her name is Jodi Edner. Jodi, if you are listening… I think sometimes she listens to these... If you're listening, I just am so glad and grateful that she was my boss.

One time we were on a trip. If you remember, I was on the road full time. So 99% of the time I was not home. And there was a trip we were on together at one point, and I was telling her about this health and fitness. I wanted to get healthier again. I had kind of let my health go since I'd been on the road. I was tired of it, and I wanted to make a change.

As I was talking to her about this, I said, “But I get in at 11:00 at night to whatever hotel I'm staying in. Then I have to wake up at 6:30, sometimes earlier, to get ready for the day. Have breakfast, prepare, and head in to the wherever I was going to work that day,” whatever office it was. “So when am I supposed to work out? Because then I do my day, and then I travel to the airport and it's on to the next one. I'm just having trouble finding the space to work out.”

I was basically saying that's why I'm overweight. And she said, “Melissa, that just sounds like a bunch of excuses to me.” It was the first person in my adult life who straight up called me on it. I don't remember my outward reaction, but I remember internally being defensive, thinking, “What are you talking about? I barely sleep. I work so hard at this job. I travel full time.

When am I supposed to do this? And you're just saying I have excuses?”

Now, it took me a bit to get right about that. I really was shocked that that was her response. But not too long after that, I got my booty in gear and I did what it took. I was probably the most in shape I'd ever been during that job; in this window that opened up after she said that to me. It probably took me three or four months after she said that to me for me to actually figure it out, execute, and do what I needed to do in order to get healthy.

But again, the story, I guess, is about the fact that she was right. And anyone, anyone who was a friend or close to me would have sided with me, that this is kind of impossible. All you do is work and travel and you're on the road, very little sleep. So yeah, when are you going to work out?

People would have agreed with me. You can see how I could just justify why I wasn't healthy; it was for all of these reasons. But the problem with that is that reasons, real reasons are facts. And this is where a nuance comes in. Because I was, even though I wasn't using these words, I was basically saying I'm a victim of my own state of health because I can't do anything about it. When do I have some time to do anything about it?

But it was an excuse. Reasons are facts. An excuse is internalizing it and acting like it's important. Acting like it's the truth that nothing can be done about. And that's where we make mistakes. So yes, you can have real reasons. But the difference is, when you're committed to something, you stack your priorities in a way that makes it so that you don't have to justify a reason for not doing what you're supposed to do.

I'm going to say that again, because the next point I have to make builds on this. I really want to make sure you understand what I'm saying. The difference between a reason and an excuse: The difference is, when you are committed to something, you stack your priorities in a way that makes it so that you do not have to justify a reason for not doing what you're supposed to do. And putting yourself in reactive positions means it's easier to justify not doing the things you said you would do.

So being proactive is a strategy that's very important so that you don't experience excuses or reasons to undermine the very thing you said you wanted. This comes down, again, to progress, not perfection. You're not going to be perfect. You're not a robot. You are going to end up in some reactive positions, but if you learn from those and you are proactive moving forward, because you're learning from those to not have excuses, this is the game.

My whole company is set up to help law firm owners be proactive; knowing what they're looking for, making a well-thought-out, deliberate plan to get there, and then honoring the plan. They cannot honor a plan they did not make.

If you don't have a well-thought-out plan, you will be doing lots of things… Yes, some of them great for the firm. Yes… But it will not be efficient and as effective as it could be into getting towards where you really want to be, because you didn't make a plan to get from A to B. You are a little over here, a little over here, a little over here, a little over here.

It may all be positive, may all be thumbs up, but there is a deep inefficiency with moving forward in that way. So we help with this part. We help with the planning so that there is something to honor. There is a plan in place, and anytime you have a plan in place that means you're being proactive. You're making decisions ahead of time. And then it comes time to honor that plan.

And so you will see there will be excuses for why people don't have plans. They will defend why they don't have a strategic plan. They will defend why there's a general thing that they're aiming for, but not a specific thing that they're aiming for.

Then, let's just say they get over that and they get to work with us, for example, and they actually do know what they're aiming for and they actually do have a well-thought-out plan, but then they don't honor the plan. And they defend why they couldn't honor the plan. They were too busy. There are too many hours in court. This team member sucked the life out of them. Their parents are in the hospital.

Now, again, again, there are going to be times that you choose not to honor the plan, but it cannot be from a place of disempowerment. It is a choice. So this goes back to this nuance between reasons and excuses. If you find that you continuously and consistently over time have “reasons” … I don't care how good they are… if you consistently have “reasons” why you do not honor your plan, you need to look in the mirror and understand that you are a person who gives excuses.

You don't think that that's what's happening, but that's what's happening. This is a pattern. And the sooner that you take responsibility for that and you own it and you wake up to it, you can change it. But until you own it, that you are the one who's making excuses… you are the one who is saying you're committed, but you're not really committed to this thing that you say you want.

Because if you were, you would stack your priorities in a way that makes it so that you don't have to justify a reason for not doing what you're supposed to do.

So this is a chance to reflect. Where are you being reactive? How is that showing up and resulting in excuses or reasons? But you, you hear what I'm saying? I'm trying to use the word “excuses” because you need to start calling it that. It's being used as an excuse.

I think most people that I encounter, in terms of people we work with, law firm owners, they don't identify as a victim. And so it may be very easy for you to say, “I'm not a victim,” but do you have excuses? They're sort of one and the same.

Because if you have excuses, it's just reason after reason after reason after reason on why you can't do X, why you can't get to this level, why you can't hire, why you can't get to a certain revenue, why your profit is constantly almost nothing, they are just excuses. And so, yeah, that's the same thing as being a victim.

If you stop having excuses, you take the reins and you change your situation, now we're talking.

Now, for those of you who are in Mastery Group or private clients, you know that I call people on excuses, and I do it in a friendly way, but I'm not going to beat around the bush. We're not going to not talk about the fact that this keeps coming up, right?

Or maybe it's come up for the first time, but it's an excuse and the person I'm talking to might not see it as that. It is my job to help them see, “Wait a minute, even with that happening, you still could have followed through.” So I call people on this stuff.

There was a call recently in one of our groups, where there was a member who kept defending or fighting for their own limitations and explaining to me why they can't get ahead, why this isn't happening, why they can't get out of the tornado that they're in. All of these limitations that they're fighting for. And it got heated.

By the way, my members know how much I care about them. I'm never, ever attacking someone in these groups. I care deeply for our members. But this was getting intense and there was just so much fighting for limitations. I kept holding a mirror up, and I kept trying to show them that their biggest problem was this argument for their limitations, this justification, and these reasons why they can't make headway.

All of this to say I had a lot of respect for that person. Because there are other people on the call, and they're quiet. They don't pipe up. This person did pipe up. But the people who weren't piping up, they were still having excuses. They're just internally doing it. Which makes it worse because it can't be addressed.

So tons of respect for those who speak up, because then we can get to it. And not speaking up doesn't mean you don't have those. It just means that they're internally happening. And getting addressed is one of the best things that can happen for us, right? For myself too. Hence the conversation with my boss that I had, or that she had with me.

And you know what? Going back to that for a second, there's a point that I thought about that I didn't share, in regards to the conversation with Jodi. When she called me out on my excuses, I mean, basically what she didn't say, but is what she’s saying, that “this is the job and you get to decide what to do with the job. Stop making excuses. Do what you want, but don't explain to me why you can't have your health and have this job.” That is really what she's saying.

That's what I'm saying to anyone who needs to hear it. If you want to be a good owner, and you want to have a healthy business, you've got a job in front of you. And there is guidance for that job; that's my job. There's guidance for that and for that work.

And so when you are doing the work, when you experience barriers, when you experience hiccups, when you get knocked down, when the schedule doesn't go as planned, when a team member is causing problems, when you're not getting enough sleep, when your kids are sick, there are all these things that are going to happen along the way. You're just not going to do it because of barriers.

It seems harsh, even as I'm saying this. I talked to some of you in your realities, your set of circumstances. The hand of cards that you are holding are intense. There's a lot going on in your world, and I'm not denying that. But I am asking you to stop using that as the reason that you can't create the success for yourself that you want to see, because that's not true. You absolutely can do it.

Don't make excuses. It's not worth it. It's not helpful. And so when you're about to, when you can tell you're about to, or maybe you caught yourself doing it, just stop. Just don't make the excuse. Don't do the thing. You weren't going to do the thing anyway, because you had a reason. You had an excuse for it.

So I don't care what action you take, if you get the thing done or not, this is more about awareness than anything else. When you are making an excuse, just stop. Don't make the excuse, and see what you're left with.

All right, everybody. I hope you have a wonderful week. I'll see you here next Tuesday.

Hey, you may not know this, but there's a free guide for a process I teach called Monday Map/Friday Wrap. If you go to VelocityWork.com, it's all yours. It's about how to plan your time and honor your plans. So, that week over week, more work that moves the needle is getting done in less time. Go to VelocityWork.com to get your free copy.

Thank you for listening to The Law Firm Owner Podcast. If you're ready to get clearer on your vision, data, and mindset, then head over to VelocityWork.com where you can plug in to Quarterly Strategic Planning, with accountability and coaching in between. This is the work that creates Velocity.